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MY BIG MOUTHI was on a business trip in southern California when a fellow guitar-playing friend asked me if I'd seen the lastest issue of Rolling Stone Magazine which contained their list of "The 100 Greatest Guitarists of All Time" (issue #931, published September 18, 2003). I replied I hadn't seen it. He told me Jimi Hendrix was #1 (wow, that was hard to figure out), and then he preceded to recall who was on the list and their respective numerical rating. I remember initially laughing at some of the moronic entries. But slowly my laughter turned to agitation, then to anger and finally I became enraged at the absence of so many of my favorite guitar players. But it was only upon learning that Eddie Van Halen was ranked #70 and Jack White of the White Stripes landed at #17 (apparently the result of some drug-induced hallucination by the Rolling Stone compiler of this list) that I knew something had to be done to set the record straight. Make no mistake, there was no way I was going to idly stand by and watch the minds of our musically-impressionable youth become polluted by the notion that any group with a number (Sum 41, Blink 182, 311) is somehow more hip than, let's say, James Gang, JoJo Gunne or Johnny Winter And...for God's sake, we all know "hip" groups start with the letter "J". This brainwashing had to be stopped, and I became the new self-appointed Neo (a.k.a. "the one") to rid the world of the promulgation of faulty guitarology. Besides, if we're going to brainwash our kids, let's at least do it with some entries from an era when guitar music was truly great. And so it became my personal mission to furnish the world with a corrected list of the truly great guitar players of our time. What gives me the right to claim my list better defines the greatest guitar players of all time, you ask? Three things: (1) I've been listening to all kinds of music for 40 years, (2) I've been playing guitar to all kinds of music for 40 years, and (3) I paid for this friggin' website. So take a flying leap off your toneless solid-state guitar amp and recognize that B.B. King says more with one note than Yngwie could ever say with a thousand. Ah yes, the first punch has been thrown. As fun as it was compiling this new and improved list, I wanted to make sure I kept my personal opinions a distant second from the cold hard facts that proved "these" names truly are the great guitarists of all time. Although I failed miserably, I at least didn't sink to the despicable depths of Rolling Stone. RS magazine hasn't a clue; and how could they? Their list merely proved they're more interested in creating controversy to sell their magazine than admitting that 95% of the real "all time greatest guitarists" are 30+ years older than their target audience. There may be a place for capitalism, but it ain't here - this page is about truth (or at least "my version" of the truth). So, do I know the names of the greatest jazz guitarists of all time? No. Do I know the names of the greatest classical guitarists of all time? No. Do I know names of the greatest klezmer guitarists of all time? Other than Moishe Lipshitz, no. But I know "rock" and rock's famous Daddy, the "blues". Accordingly, it's within this base of musical knowledge that I stake my claim and defend my list of the 100 greatest guitar players forever and always...or until someone buys me off with $10,000 of hush money. So, to all my fellow 6-string plank-spankin' brothers and sisters who grew up in the 60's, started playing guitar in the 70's while their school grades slipped into the 50's, kept rocking in the 80's despite a noticeable loss in hearing, kept rocking in the 90's despite a noticeable loss of hair, and have welcomed the new millenium by vomitting all over their kid's White Stripes CD, I hereby present Alan Friedman's definitive list of "The 100 Greatest "Rock" Guitar Players of All Time". If you've got half a brain and can remember when rock guitar was great, you'll love this timely act of revenge against the boneheads at Rolling Stones...and if for some unknown reason you don't like my list, please feel free to lean forward amd kiss my over-40, fat hairy Jewish ass. In the immortal words of Erik Casillas of Carlsbad, CA, who had the balls to write in to RS Magazine within days after their list was published, "The only white stripes that should have been mentioned were the ones on Van Halen's Kramer". F**king-A right, Eric. ONE LAST IMPORTANT NOTE: For those of you who know me, I know you expect to see Steve Lukather in the #1 slot on my list with his name repeated 99 times. While this instinctively is my first inclination (as "Luke" will always be my favorite guitar player by a long shot), I decided to take a more worldly approach and not fall into the same trap as the idiots at Rolling Stone. Instead, I took into account the time-tested innovative contributions of the very few guitar guitar players listed above him. Trust me, this wasn't an easy thing to do; in my heart, I believe Steve Lukather is the best guitar player alive today. It's just that the 3 above him were, well...never mind, you know what I mean.
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